Thursday, June 08, 2006
I want to leave my husband, but I don't because it'd just be too complicated right now. The kids house, the cars, the dog...so instead I've just accepted my life of unhappieness and mediocrity. I don't love him anymore, but he hasn't noticed. I fake my way through the time we spend together and go to bed miserable every night.
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26 comments:
I've been feeling very much the same way. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one.
Maybe we'll both have a reason to stay or the motivation to leave soon.
Communication! You must have married him for some rather significant feelings. It should have never gotten this bad. You should have let him know when you were growing unhappy, and tried to work on it as a couple.
this blog was in the paper today! No one likes to hear this but you're eventually gonna either cheat or get divorced. Either that or you'll spend this life (probly the only life you'll have) miserable....Is that what you really want?
Dittos on me feeling the same about my husband and seeing I am not the only one either. My clue should have been when I realized that after a few years, I lost the emotional attachments in my relationships. Now its 10 years later and I am still here. I care for him and what happens to him, but I am not in love but love my in-laws. I don't want to hurt anyone, so I fall on my sword and be the content one. And yes, I did cheat.
Wow. I am surprised that so many of us are living this grim life. For the record, I am the disgruntled one and my wife is clueless.
To the "communication" advocate, the problem is (in my case, anyway) that attempts to discuss the many problems are quickly and vigorously rebuffed and refuted in the style of "you have no right to feel that way, so get over it." After several cycles of that conversation, one realizes that there is just no point in bringing it (anything) up. The blind, stupid ego of these people...honestly!
On the up-side, the near and extended families remain undisturbed, and I am not really miserable, I just live in my own little world and do my best to take pleasure in other things without cheating.
i'm feeling the same way. I dont know if its worse to stay in this dreadful marriage or put the kids through a seperation. We are all miserable at the moment but i dont know how to make it better.
i feel the same way, my husband and i have never talked properly about feelings so it's really hard even having been with him for 10 years to start now..i just can't bring myself to..i don't even know if he knows just how unhappy i am but i'm scared if i tell him then there's no going back, i'm 99% sure i want out and have cheated on more than one occasion the last time i didn't even feel guilty..we have two gorgeous kids and he provides for us in a steady job and i'm sure he always will but i don't want to look back on my life and think what if?? don't know whether to leave him or not the heartache it would bring on him and the family is almost unbearable to think about so maybe i should sacrifice my own happiness rather than destroy everyone elses..really don't know what to do
I have been struggling with this/thinking it through for almost a year now. If it wasn't for my wonderful son, I would have faced this much sooner. Let's all find the courage to leave and face the possibility that we will be happy (or happier) and alone, or happy with someone else. At least we will be honest with ourselves. I mean - would you want someone to stay with you because it's financially rewarding, and just too complicated to leave?
I too feel the same ... and know that in order to find contentment and happiness I will have to leave. I try to visualize living independently and if that is what I really want. It does scare me which is one of the reasons I guess I haven't made the big step, however the complications of mortgage, kids, etc. just seem so big that it is easier to stay even though I am miserable. He is a good guy for the most part, but we have grown so far apart. We can't even go Christmas shopping without getting in an arguement. To add to everything I have lost my job and jobs are hard to find right now so I feel even more trapped.
I've been in bad marriage for 15 years - my husband used to be a pastor and I've wanted to leave since year 2! Didn't want to cause a scandal so I stayed. We've talked so many times and he knows I've wanted to leave all these years. I told him 2 months ago that I am leaving after the holidays and he asked me to slow down and give him some time. I said I would out of guilt, but now, I'm cheating on him - I want a new life and I feel terrible for it!
I want to leave my husband since I found out he was having an internet affair...that's what he and the counsler called it. The lady denied it when we talked on the phone but then started posting detail comment about them. I think she thought he was going to leave me for her. Im so hurt and can't forgive him. He says he is sorry even on his knees. He even went to my family for forgiveness but I just can't get over it. I feel like I'm going to go crazy. I have two babies under 4 years and I'm so confuse. I just keep replaying the night I found out.
wow, i thought that i was the only one. i want to leave my husband but i am pregnant with four other children. i love him but i feel like he'd rather be with friends and i'm tired of crying.i don't want to leave until my kids are a little older and i have no friends here. what do i do?
i don't regret my marrige because then i wouldn't have my beautiful children. but i want a new life with a man you would love me and treat me right. i feel like if i'm always right then maybe he will get the picture but i don't want to leave my kids every night.
i don't want to cheat i just want to enjoy my life and not worry about him not paying attention to me.
i feel so stupid for loving some one who does not want to love me back. we've been married for 8 years and i'm only 28. i've never been in another relationship but many years ago i found someone who wanted to love me the right way but i let him go because i thought that i found my mister right but i was wrong.
i feel like those stupid people in the movies always crying for love. and from the outside looking in i have a wonderful marriage. but the truth is i just don't want to leave my husband and hurt my kids. my dream is to one day pack my bags and pack my kids bags and leave. i want to change my number and have no contact with him at all.
i don't want to be one of those people who are in an unhappy marrige for many years but my children are so young and they won't understand. so it's looking like that might be my life for a long time.
i feel like i need to live my own life. something that will satify me but won't+ hurt my kids. i don't want to cheat or any thing like that but i need to find that something elsewhere because i am definitly not getting it at home.
I've been with my husband for 9 years, married for 3. I have cheated but never left him because I didn't think there would be anyone out there that could love me like him. He's so good to me and worships the ground I walk on. We don't have any children but he has a son that I have been a step mom to all his life.
I don't want to hurt them but I know either eventually I will have too, or I will continue to be happy in a marriage that I am not.
He's holding me back from my dreams, and eventually I have to accept that or resent him for it. I love him but not the proper way a wife should.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to be selfish but I don't want to look back and regret everything I never did because of him.
I love my husband but hate him at the same time. I can't stand anything he does. He takes everything out on me and makes it seem like its all my fault. If someone pisses him off, he takes it out on me like I have some control over what other people do. I am so sick of this and had repeatedly warned him that I would leave if he didn't change but he would only change for a day or so. Now I want to leave but don't know how, and with this economy what do I do? I am a stay at home mom of 2 and feel unappreciated. He works away from home a week at a time and he's nice then. As soon as he comes home though its a different story. Its as if he doesn't want to be here, he gets mad at everything. Its like he hates being a family man.
I have really tried to keep the love alive with my husband, but I keep having recurring strong feelings for this other guy I know, who I work out with and who makes me laugh. I know that I have a tendency to quit things and come back to them later, like my career and my religion, but I don't want to do that with my husband because it will be too hard. Why can't I love my husband like I used to? Why do I want this other guy (who is kind of a jerk) so much more than my nice, cuddly, sweet husband? I know it's not the other guy that makes me want to go, that it's my need to find a job and be independent. Why can't I just love my husband the way I used to? What's wrong with me? We have dreams! We have plans! I'm so frustrated....
I also want to leave my husband. He drinks a lot and because of his drinking problem we argue constantly. I have 3 kids and I think it would be hard for them not to be with their daddy. On the other hand, I would like my husband to stop drinking. Every weekend, or at every reunion, drinks. He had admitted that he has a drinking problem, but he's not willing to do anything about it. I want him to understand all the things I do for him and for our family. I work full time. I am going back to school to earn a higher degree. I'm doing this for myself, but also for him and for our family. He seems not to understand it. He thinks that becuase he also works, he has the right to do anything he wants; which is drinking most of the time. The hardest step for me is to ask him to leave. At one time we were separated for a week. I was the one that asked him to leave, but when I saw he had taken all of his clothes, I asked him to come back. I regret it now. I don't think I have the courage to ask him to leave. I'm afraid it is going to happen, and we are never going to be together as a family again. I also want to give my children a good example. I don't want them to see their dad disrespecting me, arguing with me, or seeing his example. Please give me some advice.
To all the women and/or men who want out and have cheated I must say you should just leave. My marriage was okay then my husband wanted out and instead of talking to me he cheated. So, now I was ready to leave and it made him realize he wanted to fix the marriage. I don't think it will work now, but if you cheat you should be willing to leave. Your spouse has a right to know if your not being faithful and it is their choice then if they want to stay.
I, too, want to leave my husband. I am 66 years old, he is 68 and we have been married for 43 years. For almost the whole of our marriage he has been mentally abusive - criticizing me and belittling what I do. I also know that he has been a regular user of pornography. Now I discover that he has a girlfriend. She is about 40 years old. He phones her every day and he visits her when he tells me that he is going somewhere else. And today I found out (from our phone bill) that he used a phone sex line on our wedding anniversary. I am so miserable I don't know what to do. I have no money of my own but we own our home jointly. I want to leave but I have nowhere to go. I hate him.
my husband had an "emotional" affair with a woman he works with last year. He fell in love with her. They did fool around, but didn't have sex. However, as much as the whole thing was upsetting to me, really the worst part was the fact that he was in love with another woman. And it took him 1 1/2 years to get over her, and sometimes I think he still has feelings for her. I forgave him, but he has never really been as remorseful as I think he should have been. He obviously wasn't happy with me, so he just frequently tries to turn our problems around and pin it on me, saying that we had problems before the affair and i can't blame everything on that. But what he doesn't understand is that if the affair didn't occur, it would be so much easier to work on the other problems. but everything that happens between us seems so much bigger now. he drinks more than i care for, and works crazy hours. i know for a fact he is being faithful, and this is just who he is, but i either have to stay and just "live with it" or leave. he really doesn't make any bones about the fact that he is willing to change nothing, he feels that he gave up enough for marriage and children (gave up what? being single? umm, yeah . . .) and i just have to accept it. it breaks my heart so so much. because i love him, and we have a house and children together. but i don't think he truly loves me. he thinks he is this terrific husband and i'm this bitch. but i don't think he sees what he's really like - don't get me wrong, he's not a bad guy - but just doesn't do the things that should make me feel amazingly special, loved, and supported. i guess i'm stuck.
I think i am the most stupid one of all! I have been married for 10 years and have 3 small children with my husband. Two years ago I found out that he had been cheating on me with a woman for 6 years and she had a baby for him. Her son was 7 months old when I found out while I had a 3 month old baby girl. Devastated I throw him out. After months of crying and begging to come back and listening to my christian friends about forgiveness - I took him back. Now its been two years since and I hate him, dont trust him and I hate myself more for being so stupid (AGAIN). He acts like the affair was in the past and I have to move on! There's no remorse and he is still the ass he was and I believe that he is cheating again. I feel dependent on him. I have a mortgage, 2 cars and live very far from work so he drives me back and forth because since a car accident I am afraid to drive. So I stay and I am miserable while he comes and go happily - I dont think anyone is a stupid as myself and hope to get the nerve soon to leave him and move on!
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