Oh, dear.

I got married a few weeks ago to a guy I've been with for about 2 years now. He's really good to me. He loves me and I love him.

Before we were married, I cheated on him a couple of times with my ex (Guy #1), the one guy I've ever been insanely crazy in love with. The one who treated me like crap.

Before I met him (my husband) I was sort of semi-involved with a couple of guys online (Guy #2 and Guy #3). Both of them live far away.

Guy #2 told me before I got married that he would have married me, if that's what I wanted. He's crazy about me and I'm the only girl he's ever felt like this about. A bit too late for that. He lives on another continent anyway, so whatever.

Guy #3 told me just a few days ago that I am his high water mark for women now. He says he will always love me, and if he had thought for a moment that it would work, he would have done everything in his power to make it happen.

And Guy #1, the Love of My Life? He told me on the phone tonight that I am the biggest mistake he never made. I told him that if he'd put in the effort to keep us together that he put into tearing us apart, I'd have his last name right now, instead of someone else's.

Out of them all, Guy #1 is the one I would give just about anything to be with again. I think that all three of them are screwing with my head.

I mean, of course they want me now that I'm no longer available, right?

I love my husband. The what ifs will only drive me crazy for a little while, I hope.

Today's our five year anniversary. You have no idea, and I'm spending the day wishing I had never met you.