He swears that he loves me and wants to marry me someday (although we have yet to make any plans after 1 1/2 years), but I think he's pushing me away subconciously. I know he THINKS he loves me, but he doesn't show as much affection towards me, as I do towards him. I'm always the one who has to initiate sex, always the one who kisses first, always the one to suggest a movie or dinner.
He tells our mutaly freinds that I'm too "quick" in bed and complains I'm not adventurous enough-- which I find ironic.
And the worst of it all is that he is always online chatting away with other guys. He swears he's not hooking up, yet 've caught him attempting to hook up every now and then.
I just wonder if he THINKS he loves me, but actaully is pushing me away. Anyone have any thoughts or advice??
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Saturday, December 02, 2006
i can't love you (even though i do)
when we met, it clicked. we clicked. we had so many things in common. i wasn't even attracted to you when i met you, but when you looked at me, i felt butterflies in my stomach.
we would talk and you would listen (and remember). you would ask about my day, my work, my school. i felt wanted. i felt loved.
i was even considering asking you out to the dance and i was just building the courage, but then the day came that you said, "yeah, my fiance's sister is in town..."
i was mad that you didn't even tell me that you had a fiance and you told me through her sister.
so i kept away from you. classes ended and i tried to forget about you. but then classes started again and i saw you everyday, talked to you everyday. remember october? when we both touched each other for the first time. i didn't care that you had a fiance; i just wanted you.
but then october ended and i snapped to my senses. you're practically married. and i started to make up excuses why i couldn't see you, i would cut our conversations short claiming that i had something else to do. i could see the hurt in your eyes; i knew i was hurting you. but you made the choice to be engaged.
so now, i'll keep my distance. i'll stay away, still loving you.
we would talk and you would listen (and remember). you would ask about my day, my work, my school. i felt wanted. i felt loved.
i was even considering asking you out to the dance and i was just building the courage, but then the day came that you said, "yeah, my fiance's sister is in town..."
i was mad that you didn't even tell me that you had a fiance and you told me through her sister.
so i kept away from you. classes ended and i tried to forget about you. but then classes started again and i saw you everyday, talked to you everyday. remember october? when we both touched each other for the first time. i didn't care that you had a fiance; i just wanted you.
but then october ended and i snapped to my senses. you're practically married. and i started to make up excuses why i couldn't see you, i would cut our conversations short claiming that i had something else to do. i could see the hurt in your eyes; i knew i was hurting you. but you made the choice to be engaged.
so now, i'll keep my distance. i'll stay away, still loving you.
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